Shit Hit The Fan

Today was a good day. I woke up feeling good, feeling great. New day, fresh new haircut: amazing. That is until 3:52Pm. I got a message from Melissa, via txt.

Before I go in to the conversation we had, let me give you some information on who Mel is:

Melissa A. Clarke—One of the most amazing, caring, real girls you could ever know and love. No bullshit, no games: perfect personality. I met this girl August of 2006: freshman year of college. We talked and hung out and such, but it wasn’t until sophomore year that I started to catch hard feelings. Sophomore year was the turning point for our relationship. We went from casual acquaintances to friends to best friends, over the course of the academic year. Unbeknownst to her, I was crushin’ the whole time… That is until December when I asked her to accompany me to my fraternity’s semi-formal. Then, in January when I took the “leap of faith” and left the following message in her Honesty Box:

“I just can’t get you out of mind. You're an amazing person and I long to be with you. I cherish the time we spend together and I love gazing into your eyes. It's so hard knowing that we would be perfect each other, yet you’re with someone else. But, as a friend I know I, and actively do, support and encourage you in all your endeavors. You're awesome.”
~Mystery Man~

I was hella nervous, but at that point I needed a way to express my opinion. I wasn’t sure how she would handle it face to face, thus I utilized honesty box; cheesy, but it served its purpose.

Shortly thereafter, Mel and I began to spend a lot of time together. We’d watch movies, talk on the phone, chill, that kind of stuff: little by little getting to know the other party better. Personality, spirit: the real person. While all this is going on, Melissa was in a relationship with this girl name Jenny (hence the line in the note that said “you’re with someone else”). So, here I am slowly falling in love with this girl who is in a relationship. LUCKY ME! I finally find someone who is worth my time, and she has been snatched up. AWESOME! Naturally, this causes a little friction between the three of us. As I result Melissa and I decided it would be a good idea to sit down and spell out the terms of our engagement. We decided that both Jenny and I are emotionally invested, so neither of us are “eliminated.” We’ll continue to be best friends and she’ll focus on her relationship with Jenny. Only time would ultimately tell what would happen between us.

That conversation took place in February… it’s June. At this point I can say that I’m in love with this girl. Since than Melissa and I have continued to be friends, growing closer and closer. Her and Jenny are still together, and I can tell that Jenny is starting to get irritated. All of us are in a very strange, uncomfortable, sensitive, situation. I’ve found a person that I love being around, who I think about constantly; a person that I’d be willing to put myself in the way of danger for. I’ve found a female that I foresee myself being with for a very long time; that I have, and don’t have an issue, shared secrets with. Jenny is in the same situation, but has history on her side. She’s not willing to budge and neither am I. Meanwhile, Melissa is stuck in the middle. She’s formed relationships with two awesome people, neither of whom she wants to “dismiss.” No one wants to get hurt. Go figure, right?

Let’s fast forward to today.

At 3:52Pm I got a message from Melissa:

“I think it would be best if we don’t talk for a while. I know this is coming out of nowhere, but it’s what I have to do right now.”

I was shocked, confused, and hurt. This message came about 12 hours after a very long conversation we’d had the night before: an amazing conversation at that. I’m pretty sure Jenny flipped shit or something.

Of course I had to respond:
“You don’t want to talk to me? Is there a reason? That really cut deep, Melissa. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hurt. I’m not sure what’s going on, but I accept your decision. Get at me when you’re ready.”

I’ve learned over the past year or two to respect people’s personal space. They’ll come around when they want to, right?

I didn’t expect a reply to my text, but I got two:
“I just would appreciate it if you could respect my decision. You are one of my best friends: I love you so much. But, it’s causing harm now. I am so sorry. I’m trying to keep my current relationship, because I do love her so much. I’m just trying to keep the peace. I don’t know what else to say… I love you.”

At this point I’m livid, but even more confused. You acknowledge that we’re best friends and admit that you love me; however, you don’t want to speak to me? HUH!? I respond:
“Don’t be sorry for the decisions that you make. I totally respect your decision, but I cannot agree with it wholeheartedly. I understand the harm, but what did you expect? You have two people competing for your love and affection. Once again, when you’re ready to talk; I’m available. Peace? I understand what you’re trying to accomplish. I love you more than you can possibly imagine: I would hate to see you exit my life. Nevertheless, something is going to have to give. It’s a choice and it’s a hard one. I don’t mind giving space and such; it’s just hard being the one put on the backburner ALL THE TIME.”

Intense, huh? Hell yeah!

At this point, I’m not angry any more. Clearly Melissa needs space to think about the position that she’s in. I just pray to God that the yielded results are favorable for me. I really honestly love this girl. I don’t think she realizes the magnitude of me using the word “love.” That’s not something that I throw around. I hope that this is my time to shine. I’ve been done wrong so many times before. I’m tired of being the friend. I’m tired of being the “brother.” I’m tired of being put on hold. Most of all, I’m tired of being alone. Why am I always the one left out?

Shortly after our conversation I had to cool off. It was a high emotional moment and I needed to get my mind right. I decided to go chill at the Beta house. On my walk there something spoke to me. I was singing along to the following song, as I usually do, and it suddenly “spoke” to me. It was as if I was supposed to hear it.



Danity Kane’s Damaged—Go figure! The part that stood out to me was Diddy’s “conversation” at the end. I usually ignore it because I hate hearing people talk over a track, but it stuck out this time. Diddy says,

“It’s that type of pain that you feel deep inside. It’s that type of pain that makes you pray; that makes you cry. It’s going to be already. This too shall pass. Sometimes you have to go through the pain to experience the joy. This too shall pass.”

Coincidence? I think not. This was almost the same experience as I had in my Social Psychology course. When I got that “message” in class. Get this, after that song goes off another one came on…



Then, I thought about the board I made while reading The Secret. It was all too surreal: definitely not a coincidence.

As far as this issue is concerned, it’s all right. I still love Melissa; I’m not pissed at her. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, and it’ll all work out for the best. I feel confident in this situation and I feel a “strange” comfort. Everything will be all right.