Steinberg's Triangular Theory of Love

Over the last three years, every single family studies and human growth and development course I've ever had has brought up this topic. In all of the things I've ever learned in class, it's one of my favorites: Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love. In 1986, Robert Sternberg developed a theory focused on the qualities of love: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Passion involves physical attraction, sexual desire, and intense emotions such as jealousy. Think of those innate drives that initiate and control romance. Intimacy involves feelings of closeness and emotional attachment. Included in the idea is mutual support and communication issues (verbal and non-verbal). Lastly, is commitment. It's exactly what it implies: a pledge to love someone over time, regardless of the things one may encounter.

According to Sternberg's theory, each of the three characteristics of love can be combined into seven different combination, forming different types of love: liking, infatuation, romantic love, companionate love, fatuous love, empty love, and consummate love. Each "type" of love is very different and distinct.




Intimacy alone forms "liking." This is the kind of love that drives basic friendships. There is no commitment, thus there is no longevity.

Passion alone forms "infatuation." There is no emotional connection or longevity, but a major focus on physiological and emotional arousal. This is the driving force behind one night stands and booty calls.

Commitment along forms "empty love." Ever see a couple that was together, but there was nothing there? This is that type of love.

Passion and intimacy forms "romantic love." Most people call this being "in love," but they're incorrect. This is what drives those intense feelings inside; however, there is no longevity. Eventually these feels fade and people move on.

Passion and commitment form "fatuous love." This form is completely garbage, also being called "silly love." A good example of this form are relations ships that are formed too fast. People immediate fall passionately in "love", get married, and with in a short period of time break up.

Intimacy and commitment form "companionate" love. This form of love is very intimate and has elements of longevity; however, it lacks sexual and physical interactions. Think familial love and relationships between really good friends.

Intimacy, passion, and commitment form the ultimate type of love. This is what people should strive for: consummate love. Consummate love involves dedication to a long term relationship, the sexual desire and fire that comes along with passion, and the intimacy of a deep friendship. It is said that consummate love is hard to maintain, but easier to manifest. Over time many relationships lose its passion aspect, and transforms into companionate love.