About Me

Disclaimer: I know this post is long, but if you're interested in learning about me as a person and understanding the way I operate, you'll bare with me.

I’ve had a lot of this on my heart over the past few weeks, but I haven’t had the physical time, or motivation, to blog them. College can be very draining at times. School’s been back in session for less than a month and I can already feel its wrath.
While this past summer was spent predominantly working and taking classes, I feel like a lot of personal growth took place. Thinking in retrospect, my coming in contact with others and helping other’s personal gain forced me to lot about myself. I present to you, in list form, a non-comprehensive list of lessons learned this summer:

1. I have a general interest in aiding and improving those who I hold close to my heart, as well as those who I feel a strong connection to. I tend to do this through offering advice, spending money, and encouraging those that I love: even if it wasn’t requested. On the not so positive side, I have the proclivity to critique and criticize my loved ones in an effort to “save” them from making “mistakes.”

2. I do an excellent job at communicating with other people, especially through writing; however, my challenge is expressing matters of the heart. Often I discount, withhold, and even choose to not express these matters.

3. As much as I enjoy not being tied down, I need organization. I have the absolute, utmost hate for disorganized and last minute productions. They urk my soul.

4. I have a basic disrespect for those that consistently judge and critique without offering some sort of alternate plan. Moreover, I have a hard time dealing with those that cannot communication their thoughts and ideas.

5. I’m stubborn and persistent. This can be a dangerous combination, under the correct circumstances. I have a strong dislike for the word “no.” When I have my heart set on something, and my mind is made up, I’ll do anything to get what I want. I continue to pursue whatever it is that I want until I’m satisfied, and often ignore others feelings in the process.

6. I have a general like of the “good things” that life yields. While I do hold other things, such as personal connections and socialism, highly: I thoroughly enjoy material things. Clothing and electronic devices are my weakness.

7. For me, music is a motivating force. It provides me with energy and easily changes my mood and tempo. I love music of all kinds, and turn to it to help me express the things that my words cannot. (Note: If I’ve ever randomly given you a CD, I was trying to express something to you.)

8. I have a ridiculous amount of sexual energy in my system and it’s causing distress in my life. Sex is always on my mind and seems to come up quite frequently. The distress comes from suppressing the energy, and not having a consistent outlet for it. Masturbation is getting old and, for me, sex without an emotional connection is moot. I have a general want to sexually fulfill those I have a passion for, but when that doesn’t exist I’m pretty much fending for myself... if you catch my drift.

9. My current challenge, which seems to be insurmountable, is to find someone that’ll love me as much as I love them. I do realize that I have high expectations for my future significant other; however, they aren’t unrealistic. Can I not have a hood rat? Moreover, all too frequently do I encounter people that shove me in the “brother” category, who are generally not interested, or those who want to hit it and quit it. I’m starting to become frustrated and sort of bitter. Why do tools, athletes, unproductive males, thugs, and unfit men continue to produce, while I’m sitting here by myself? I continue to hear ladies complain about how they want someone to love and care for them, but then they always choose those who fall in one of the previously acknowledged categories. Or, you’ll get a person that continues to stay in a relationship because they’re personally gaining something or because they’re scared to leave. I’m so tired of this bullshit.

10. I don’t like to be rushed or forced to do things. Ask me, encourage me, suggest to me, but never force me. I have a problem when people force me to do things, or when a timetable is set that I feel is unreasonable. Things will happen when I want them to happen, at my suggested frequency.

11. When I get mad, it’s all over!! I’m a happy person. I enjoy living and taking part in life. There are a few triggers that can set off my anger; however, it is usually set off by an individual that consistently bothers me over time. With that said, if I don’t like you (and I clearly differentiate between those I don’t care for and those I REALLY don’t like) I won’t have the slightest regard for you. In my mind, it’s not worth it. No, I don’t respect you. No, I won’t help you. No, you cannot.